i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
