you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize