Soap is not a condiment
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
