i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
