What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
