I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
