You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
