so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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