He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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