her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
