***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize