then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize