btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
