There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
