I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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