She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
