Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
