I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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