my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
