He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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