Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
