That's when you crack a 10am beer
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Less talking, more tequila
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
