I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
