Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
