there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize