Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
