Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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