i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize