my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
