And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
