My cat gives me a boner
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
