Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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