Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
