Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
