you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
