just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
