..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Randomize
