I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
