how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
