Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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