And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
