its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
