how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
