when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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