he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
