well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
