..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Every concussion has its silver lining
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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