I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
