We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
