I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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