Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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