So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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