Soap is not a condiment
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
