We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
