if you like me you must not know who I am
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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