Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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