Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
