I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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