Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
