Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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