Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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