Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
someone get that fucking seahorse.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
