If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Let's get the cat blown out
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
