Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
