I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
