So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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