Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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