Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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