My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
