bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
